Divorce is an extraordinarily stressful situation for most people, and the office is not the best place to address your relationship problems. Luckily, there are ways to navigate awkward conversations about your former spouse at the water cooler.
Keep your co-workers informed
Often, divorce hearings or lawyer appointments may lead to taking ‘personal days’ from your job. In this case, it is best to tell your immediate boss of the situation and any coworkers that rely on your presence at work. Most employers and colleagues will be understanding of the situation and will not ask questions about the circumstances.
Stay professional
We all have peers that we may feel comfortable with and share the details of our divorce. However, it’s important to stay professional with other employees during the day. Try to avoid talking about your divorce in most conversations and stay on top of your regular duties.
It may not be easy for most people going through a painful divorce to leave their situations at home. But, it may help you grieve your previous relationship and keep your job during a tough situation.
Be realistic with your workload
Between hearings, meetings and your changing mood, you may find it difficult to stay on top of your typical workload. Understand that it is entirely normal and do not put too much pressure on yourself to exceed work expectations. If you already informed your boss of the circumstances, they will understand and support you until the proceedings are over.
Take care of yourself
While our jobs a vital role in our lives, it’s important to recognize when you need to take a step back and take care of yourself. If your divorce is weighing heavy on your physical or mental health, it’s time to take time off and connect with your emotions.
Whether it’s doing a hobby you love or talking to a therapist; it is crucial to put yourself first during a divorce. You needed to be ready and refreshed when you return to your position.
]]>Married couples are turning towards postnuptial agreements to help divide assets, evaluate their finances and resolve any money-related issue. But what exactly are postnups? And can a postnup hold up in a Texas courtroom?
Basics of a postnup
A postnuptial agreement is a legal document that is signed by the couple after marriage. It’s similar to a prenuptial agreement because it lays out the details for dividing the couple’s marital property in case of separation or divorce. The core difference is when the document is written – either before or after marriage.
A postnuptial agreement allows couples to analyze their assets, debt, spending habits and effects of financial stress on their personal lives. Couples may also address concerns about spousal or child support in case of divorce.
In Texas, a postnuptial or marital property agreement is acceptable in court as long as it meets the proper requirements. Each party should obtain a lawyer and a neutral third party, preferably another lawyer, to look over the draft before finalizing.
Reasons for a postnup
Preparing a postnup can be cathartic for couples, but it doesn’t resolve any deep-rooted problems, such as financial security or a spouse’s ability to leave. Couples should have proper expectations before drafting a postnup.
Common reasons for writing a postnup include:
Postnuptial agreements are not strictly about dividing assets in a divorce. The document offers guidance in different situations and lays out the financial status of a particular union. It also spares couples the stress of a messy divorce or separation.
Should I get a postnup?
Postnuptial agreements will not work for every couple, especially if you are near a breaking point in your marriage. The best option is to have an honest conversation with a spouse about postnuptial agreements and any financial concerns they have.
]]>For older couples, questions about retirement accounts and pension plans continuously pop up during the process. How are pension funds divided? How much of my pension can my spouse receive? How can I protect my pension funds before a divorce or after a divorce?
The answers are complex depending multiple factors such as personal circumstances and the state you live in. It helps to think about these questions and ramifications before officially separating from your spouse.
How are pension funds divided?
In Texas, all property acquired during marriage is community property. The courts divide community property equally between the couple despite who acquired it; this includes retirement savings and investment plans. Retirement accounts and pension funds can be a major asset for the courts to consider during a divorce proceeding.
How much of my pension can my spouse receive?
Texas follows community property laws during divorce, but the courts typically do not force you to split your entire pension with your former spouse, only the half of what you earned during marriage. There are rare circumstances where a spouse can receive interest in future retirement earnings through the court.
In rare cases, the court can issue an approved property settlement that provides the pension plan to make payments to a former spouse called a domestic relations order, or DRO. In case of private retirement plans, a DRO can meet certain requirements and be called a qualified domestic relations order. QDROs are appealing because they allow you to change the payout for your investment plans, without early withdrawal fees.
How can I protect my pension before or after divorce?
Court orders and state laws make the division of pensions complex, so planning ahead of time can help ease the burden. If you are not married, a prenuptial agreement can protect your assets or establish a division plan in case of divorce. For couples already married, a prenuptial isn’t an option.
What can I do if I’m already married? First, understand the kind of retirement accounts you have and the value of their investment into the future. Once you establish the value, open up a negotiation between you and your spouse about dividing assets, including retirement savings. If a conversation is not productive, you can use alternatives to court, such as mediation or collaborative divorce.
Unfortunately, you will most likely share a portion of your retirement or pension funds with your former spouse, but understanding the process can help your retirement.
]]>Probate may be necessary for possessions with a title or deed, such as cars and real estate. In 2015, our legislature codified a long standing practice, previously known as a “Lady Bird Deed,” now in the statues as “Revocable Transfer on Death Deed.” If such a deed is in place, the property will transfer automatically to the named persons, without probate. Many other types of assets can have “Pay On Death” (P.O.D.) or “Transfer on Death” (T.O.D.) provisions, such as bank accounts and brokerage accounts. These provisions do what they say they do, and supersede contrary provisions of a Will.
What about community property of a married couple?
If neither spouse has children by other partners (previous marriage, etc.) all the community property will be inherited by the surviving spouse. All property is community property unless it is agreed or proven to be “separate property.” In general, separate property is that which a spouse had before marriage, that which came by gift or inheritance, some personal injury settlements, and property or money which is traceable to the separate property. It can be more difficult than you think to “prove” separate property, especially financial accounts which are commingled and have years of transactions.
Are there other non-probate assets?
Yes, there are more assets that do not need to go through the probate process if they have named beneficiaries, including:
• life insurance policies
• Pension plans
• Retirement accounts, such as IRAs or 401Ks
What about bequests to minors?
All gifts to minors, and for that matter young adults, should be left to a Trustee. If not, a Guardian of the Estate will have to be appointed, at considerable expense. And, the beneficiary will be entitled to all his or her money on their 18th birthday. Not good for most people. Remember – this applies to the P.O.D. or T.O.D. designations. Consult a lawyer! (Note, this is very different from a “Living Trust,” mentioned below.)
How quickly do I need to file probate papers?
In Texas, you have up to four years after the deceased’s death to file probate papers. Don’t wait until the four years is almost up. Theoretically, you could probate a Will without a lawyer but it is not practical for most people. In most cases, probate proceedings are completed within a matter of months.
What happens in the probate process if there is no will?
Texas law has a provision for the estates of deceased that did not leave a Will. The term “intestate” is used in this state for an estate without a Will. The probate process may be more time-consuming and definitely more expensive in these cases. The court will divide property and assets according to blood and marriage relations, as provided in the Texas Estates Code
What about “death taxes?”
The new tax law doubled the previous amount which is excluded from gift and estate tax, to $11.2 million per individual. You should consult an estate tax specialist who can do sophisticated planning to minimize the tax. In 2025, the amount will revert to $5.6 million.
What should I do?
Consult a qualified lawyer. Get a professional drafted Will and other documents. Consider getting a Revocable Transfer on Death Deed. When a loved one passes, consult a good probate lawyer. If there is no immediate issue, this can wait a few weeks or months, but don’t wait until 3 years and 11 months.
Do I need a “Living Trust?”
Probably not. Many fine lawyers draft these Trusts for people who want them. These Trusts don’t save taxes. They may (or may not) avoid probate, but most people will pay more for the Living Trust than they would have paid for a Will and then probate of the Will.
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Where to file for divorce?
When filing for divorce, the service member and his or her spouse have three choices for where to file. The couple can file in the state where either the husband or wife has legal residence, the state where the military member is stationed or the state where the military member claims residency, if different from the spouse. When considering where to file, it is important to scrutinize how the state handles military pensions and child support calculations.
Texas is a community property state. The Uniformed Services Former Spouse Protection Act (USFPA) allows Texas to treat military retirement pay as marital property which means it can be divided during divorce. In order to be eligible to have the DFAS pay the spouse's share directly per a Military Retired Pay Division Order, the couple must have been married for at least ten years while the member performed ten years of credible military service. If the "ten and ten" requirement is not met, the Texas divorce court may still take the community property value of the military retirement pay into account in dividing the marital estate, but there can be no direct payment from DFAS.
Child support calculations
With the exception of the Air Force, each branch of the military has rules on how much the service member parent should pay for child support. The amount is generally based on base pay, Basic Allowance for Housing, Basic Allowance for Subsistence and any other pay the service member receives.
In Texas, the court requires the noncustodial parent to pay a percentage of his or her "net resources" (determined by Texas law) to the custodial parent for the care of the child or children. The percentage is 20 percent for one child and increases with the number of children Once the child support payment amount has been determined, the wage garnishment order must be submitted by the service member to the Defense Finance and Accounting Service.
Delayed proceedings
In order to provide active-duty service members with ample time handle divorce proceedings, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA) allows the service member to file a stay to delay divorce proceedings while on active duty. The Act was designed to allow military service members to focus on their duties instead of on domestic problems until their duties no longer interfere with participation in the divorce proceedings.
JAG is not enough
While military service members and their family members have access to free legal advice from Judge Advocate General’s Corps (JAG), JAG officers are generally not licensed to practice family law and can only provide basic legal information. The JAG services offered do not include preparing or filing divorce or separation documents and a JAG officer cannot represent you in court. When dealing with a domestic situation you need to hire a civilian attorney.
Military domestic situations are governed by a mix of military regulations, state divorce laws and federal statutes creating a hodgepodge of complications for a divorcing couple. Although divorce and separation is a civil matter, having an attorney experienced with military divorce is beneficial to all parties.
]]>This isn’t surprising. But it is affirming. Individuals struggling with mental disorders have long been known to face difficulties in maintaining relationships. The self-doubt and related symptoms imparted by such illnesses make it hard, in many cases, to provide or accept support from a partner. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the research demonstrates “the adverse effects of mental disorders on life…across a diverse range of socioeconomic and cultural settings [and]…should be included in considerations of public health investments in preventing and treating mental disorders.”
“Divorce has negative effects on subsequent earnings”
Some mental health disorders are more predictive of divorce than others. Individuals with histrionic personality disorder, for example, were found to have the highest divorce rates. (Histrionic personality disorder typically involves a great deal of attention-seeking behavior, paired with rapidly changing emotions.) Individuals with paranoid personality disorder also figure near the top of the list.
Still, it may be most instructive to look at the trends in general, rather than the divorce rates of specific disorders. Understanding how depression and anxiety—the most common affective disorders—can strain a marriage is important for couples who are dealing with such exigencies.
After all, the end of a marriage can have wide-reaching consequences. As the NIH notes, while “entering a marriage improves earnings as well as physical and mental health…divorce has negative effects on subsequent earnings and on the economic and social wellbeing of children.”
Marriage isn’t easy for anyone
Marriages are rarely easy. The work involved in sharing a life with someone else is often arduous. This is why the divorce rate—in Texas, and in the U.S. as a whole—remains high for everyone.
But some individuals have a harder time than others—and through no fault of their own. A mixture of genetics and experience make it tough to live and develop routines with a partner. Still, if this can be discussed and addressed in an open manner, then a couple can better its chances of success.
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Yet news about remarriage rates tends to go unheralded. The numbers are surprising. Simply put, it’s clear that remarriage is on the rise. The majority of divorcees remarry. There’s a bit of a gender gap – 64 percent of divorced men remarry, while only 52 percent of divorced or widowed women do so – but 40 percent of all new marriages involve at least one spouse who’s been married before, and there are at present 42 million Americans who have been married more than once.
As many of them likely know, retying the knot brings with it a range of concerns and considerations individuals may not have confronted previously.
Blending a family, but keeping finances separate
In many cases, marrying anew requires blending a family. It’s no longer unusual for one or both spouses to bring children into a marriage. While such situations require that everyone involved adapt to new arrangements, parents and kids alike often find that an expanded family brings with it a great many benefits.
Nevertheless, when it comes to finances, parents often want to ensure their own children are protected and supported, and are unsure how to do so in the event of remarriage. They worry what will happen when their assets become marital property, and whether it’s possible to set aside certain holdings for their kids.
As remarriage becomes more common, so do prenuptial agreements
Such concerns may very well be why prenuptial agreements have, like remarriage, become increasingly common. These contracts are especially advantageous to blended families. Through a prenuptial agreement, spouses can delineate exactly how they would like the assets they bring into the new marriage to be passed on in the event of a subsequent divorce or death.
One may wish to leave all one’s belongings to one’s children. One may wish to provide safeguards for one’s spouse. One may wish to leave certain assets to their spouse’s children. No matter one’s wishes, a prenuptial agreement is a useful means to guarantee that they are met.
It is important, however, to work with a lawyer when drafting a prenuptial contract. Many couples try to establish such agreements on their own, only to find that they have failed to follow the legal process and their contract is not binding. In such cases, assets may pass on to individuals for whom they are not intended. A qualified attorney will be able to guide couples at every step, and help them make sure that their wishes are met.
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